How important is it that a partner shares your sober lifestyle?

This might be the most important question on a sober dating platform: does your partner need to share your approach to alcohol? We put it to 512 Zaxee members, and the results reveal a community that's thoughtful, flexible, and clear about what they actually need — as opposed to what they think they should say.

The top answer — "prefer sober, but open to sober-curious" — reflects the pragmatic warmth that characterises this community. Most people aren't looking for someone who has to pass a purity test. They want someone who understands them, who shares the broad lifestyle, and who doesn't make their sobriety feel like something that needs explaining or apologising for. A partner who's sober-curious, who's interested in clarity for their own reasons, fits that picture even if they haven't arrived at the same destination yet.

Just under 28% said full sobriety is a dealbreaker — and that's a completely valid position too. When sobriety is a core part of your identity and lifestyle, compatibility on that point matters as much as any other fundamental value. This isn't rigidity; it's self-knowledge.

The 21.9% who said "happy either way as long as values align" captures something important: for many Zaxee members, their sobriety is personal rather than political. They don't need a partner to be sober — they need a partner who respects, supports, and doesn't undermine who they are. That's a different thing, and it's just as meaningful.

Taken together, over 60% of respondents fall somewhere on the spectrum of "sober preferred but not necessarily required." This community is more nuanced than the headline might suggest — and that nuance is exactly what makes it worth being part of.